One more little soul up above

I feel that, at this moment, breeding is taking more than it gives…..

Since 2009, nearly 100 Bernese puppies have been born and grown up in my hands. From planning the litter to moving in with their families. Until this morning our record was 100%: every puppy that was born survived and went to its new home in perfect health. There has never been so much as a broken tail tip or the slightest injury, neither on the puppies nor on the mums. Of course, this required me to be with the litter and their mother 24/7. Many times I slept with them in the whelping box. Every 2–3 hours I helped the mum feed and the puppies eat. I supported the slightly clumsier ones and gave formula to the large litters so that the mum’s body would not have to carry such a heavy burden. And between the feeds came the other tasks, such as hygiene, cuddling the mum, cooking for her, keeping everything clean and tidy, looking after our other dogs… physically and mentally it tested my limits, but it is a wonderful task. Watching the tiny mole-sized fluff balls turn into cleverer puppies day by day. Catching their first glance as their eyes open. Always buying them some new toy… watching them discover the world with joy. These were my plans when I prepared for the arrival of the R litter baby, too. We even talked about what a lovely time he would have. Plenty of milk, 100% attention, a super mum in Molly and me there as a stand-in mummy. 3 weeks off work, devoted entirely to Him, just as I have always done. There were already some difficulties at his birth, but we got through them well. Then, 2 days ago, after the midnight feed, something changed in the blink of an eye. The puppy lost his liveliness and was no longer so eager for milk. He received whatever we could give him from our home medicine cabinet, and in the morning we headed straight to the clinic, where after oxygen therapy and all kinds of tests I took the little teddy bear home full of hope, while knowing full well how unwell he was and that a critical 24 hours lay ahead of us. But we fight and we do not give up. My husband and I kept vigil beside him until morning, talking about dogs, about breeding, about the difficulties and the joys…. But early in the morning the light went out of the puppy’s eyes and he lost his battle with respiratory failure and its complications. Professionally, we believe it was a congenital/developmental abnormality – the chromosomes came together wrongly and gave this little angel 8 days. Nobody made a mistake; everyone did everything they could, beyond their strength… and yet it is a tragic day for us. As people, emotionally, as breeders… We always look for the positive and try to learn and grow from every situation. But we could neither have prevented this nor saved the puppy. The record over 16 years: 17 litters… 1 lost puppy… good, good, but painful…